I’ve noticed lately that many folks are fussin and fighting over proposed changes to our country’s Health Care System, including a potential FED takover that would result in murdering my GRANDPARENTS and your BABIES. Not one to look too deeply into things, I’ll take these statements as facts and stand firmly in opposition to any proposed socialistic manipulation of the status quo.
This issue, though, has layers, like an onion (Oh, Shrek! What a hoot – that Donkey just doesn’t understand some things!). Peel away the flim-flammy skin of this nationalization effort and you’ll find that the commy monster is already alive and well, right under the folds of our fat bellies! I’m speaking, of course, of MEDICARE, the first salvo in the war to make Americans stand in line for toilet paper and live in apartments where the grey paint peels faithlessly from the walls. That salvo was fired at our freedoms forty years ago, and those goddamn hippies just lapped it up between bong hits.
If I understand Medicare correctly, which I most likely do, it’s a taxpayer funded program that takes care of old people’s medical bills. My take on this is – 1) I’m probably not going to live long enough to receive any Medicare benefits, 2) What the fuck, old people? and, 3) seriously – Fucking Hippies!
We on the Good Ship Patience work hard, murder fairly, and have a crusty old retired corpsman onboard to take care of any medical needs we may have, like the crabs or really bad bleeding. Since I’ve got mine, fuck a bunch of old people! The only value they could ever add to my life is if some scientist finds a way to put their brain cells or testicles in a pill that makes me live forever. If that happens, I’ll reevaluate, but until then, fuck them.
In a fury of passion I scoured the internet to strengthen my argument against Medicare and those yellowed, caustic folks it keeps alive and, boy-howdy, did I find some Facts. Specifically, there is an informed, intelligent (but not too intelligent) website titled stopmedicare.org that is committed to eradicating Medicare and all of the evil it sustains. Specific facts from this enlightened site include:
- Anyone that has ever used Medicare has died or will die.
- Medicare has perverse incentives to allow senior citizens to die — the longer a senior lives, the less money the government can take with the Death Tax. In a free market seniors would be free to spend their life savings and retirement income on medical care.
- Medicare is used to bully companies — because of the size of Medicare, the government can negotiate lower equipment and drug prices. This behavior reduces corporate profits and limits company bonuses.
I highly recommend checking stopmedicare.org out and using it as a reference the next time some goddamn commy liberal tries to reach into your pockets. A few minutes of additional internet searching turned up another site you should definetally check out that takes a broader view of health care and is also full of facts and righteousness. Like I said, I got mine. If everyone had health care, who the fuck would mow my lawn?
