Nov 132011

As reported by the Wall Street Journal:

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez gave a vague account Wednesday of the country’s military chasing off an unidentified foreign submarine allegedly caught trespassing in the South American nation’s territorial waters.

Chavez said the encounter with the mysterious vessel occurred Tuesday and “it took flight, it was chased, but escaped because it was much faster.” 

“Luckily our sailors and our people did not fall for provocation,” he said.

OK, Hugo, a few points: Continue reading »

Mar 072011
Submarine Pirate Ensign

The Swedes discovered a sunken Whiskey Class submarine at the bottom of the Baltic Sea.

A Swedish Navy spokesperson confirmed today that they have no interest in conducting further investigation into the matter. The Navy claims that pictures taken by the measurement company clearly show that the submarine had sunk while being towed (to be scrapped, it is assumed) and showed no signs of damage from external weaponry fire and therefore couldn’t have sunk while being on a covert mission in Swedish waters.

That’s what they want you to think, anyway. They’ve actually just located the PATIENCE Mk 1. We were wondering where we parked her. Thanks Swedes!

Fler bilder från ubåtsfyndet i Östersjön (foreign talk for pics of the vessel)

Also, buy my ebook!  It’s cheap and will rock your world!


Jan 162011

It looks like BAE Systems is joining the fight against piracy using a (proposed) Neodymium Yttrium Aluminium Garnet (wtf?) laser.  That’s right, the hair removal laser is joining the fight against Somali piracy.

Despite the commonly held view – among schoolboys anyway – of pirates as a bunch of peg-legged, eye-patch wearing scurvy dogs from the 1700’s (or thereabouts), maritime piracy continues to be a serious problem – and it’s on the rise. To combat this scourge of the seas BAE Systems has developed a non-lethal laser designed to act as a deterrent against pirate attacks on commercial vessels, such as oil tankers and container ships.

We agree.  Those damned smallboat thugs tarnish the image of dashing, private enterprise submarine-based wealth acquirers and lifestealers, and deserve some lasering.

Now, if we could only integrate these lasers with advanced shark technology…

No, their [sic] not going to get some sharks and mount frickin laser beams on their heads.


Anyway, once BAE’s moved past the “non-lethal” spectrum with this laser-firing device, we may look to purchase an install on the PATIENCE.  I hear that, with BAE, money talks, so we should be able to overcome any pesky regulatory hurdles.

Oct 032009

I’ve noticed lately that many folks are fussin and fighting over proposed changes to our country’s Health Care System, including a potential FED takover that would result in murdering my GRANDPARENTS and your BABIES.  Not one to look too deeply into things, I’ll take these statements as facts and stand firmly in opposition to any proposed socialistic manipulation of the status quo.

This issue, though, has layers, like an onion (Oh, Shrek!  What a hoot – that Donkey just doesn’t understand some things!).  Peel away the flim-flammy skin of this nationalization effort and you’ll find that the commy monster is already alive and well, right under the folds of our fat bellies!  I’m speaking, of course, of MEDICARE, the first salvo in the war to make Americans stand in line for toilet paper and live in apartments where the grey paint peels faithlessly from the walls.  That salvo was fired at our freedoms forty years ago, and those goddamn hippies just lapped it up between bong hits.

Continue reading »

Feb 272009

U.S. to yield marijuana jurisdiction to states

U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder is sending strong signals that President Obama – who as a candidate said states should be allowed to make their own rules on medical marijuana – will end raids on pot dispensaries in California.

“I think it definitely signals that Obama is moving in a new direction, that it means what he said on the campaign trail that marijuana should be treated as a health issue rather than a criminal justice issue.”

We can’t say that we’re huge fans of the administration’s apparent ‘hands-off’ approach to this issue.  Granted, we only infrequently include marijuana in our transportation operations due to the bulk required to reach profitability, but growth of this policy to allow state determination (thus possible decriminalization) of other, more profitable recreational pharmaceuticals could significantly impact margins.

There’s a recession on, brother.  Why the hell are you trying to put honest private-enterprise submariners out of work?

Feb 142009

In recent months at least 25 ships of British registry have been attacked in the Mediterranean, numerous Russian ships have been sunk, French merchantmen have been fired on. Last week the British destroyer Havock was also on Mediterranean patrol, off Alicante. Shooting past her went the long white wake of a submarine torpedo. Out crackled a message for help and whooshing overboard went a cylindrical depth charge, then another and another till seven had geysered salt water up into the air. The destroyer Hasty zipped at 38 knots to the rescue of her sister ship, but by the time she got there the surface of the sea was iridescent with oil. The mystery submarine had apparently been sunk. Two days later the British tanker Woodford was sunk by two torpedoes fired at point-blank range from a submarine whose identifying number had been crudely painted out.

It was the damned Italians, ne’er do wells and treacherous bastards, all. Submerged wrath, indeed. The Russians cried foul, but Italy cared not a bit.

Feb 122009

TIME Magazine, 1981:

The released Soviet sub heads for port and hard questions

The antiquated gray submarine was towed part of the way down the channel it had navigated on its own ten days before. Finally it cast off. Then, joining the flotilla of naval vessels hovering anxiously beyond the twelve-nautical-mi. limit, Soviet “Whiskey”-class submarine No. 137 headed for its home base at Baltiysk, near the port of Kaliningrad. So ended, peacefully enough, the diplomatic uproar that began when Sweden discovered the sub on a reef in a restricted military zone only nine miles from Karlskrona, an ultrasensitive naval base on the Baltic Sea.

The rest of the story.