Warren Haustrumerda | Tall Tales of Felony and Failure

More Facebook Fun

Once upon a time someone wisely decided not to befriend my DBA Facebook page. It seems, though, that this wisdom was eventually disregarded, and that this person is very literal.

This:

Devolved into this:

YES! Our fairest friend also deliciously delivered on a previous comment:

I love Facebook [...]

2010 Blogger’s Choice Awards

That’s right, friends, we are IN IT to WIN IT. Feel free to drop on by the 2010 Blogger’s Choice Awards to vote for Yours Truly. (Honestly, truly forever. I swear.)

The official publish of our fantastical tale is months away, so I’ve decided to satiate your need with a bit from Chapter 3. As always, please pardon the formatting. We don’t understand the WordPress that well.

Does it get better than this? God, I hope so. Gray outside, no sun yet. I look through the windshield of Tom’s truck. I’m in the parking lot behind the barracks. Naked, lying down in the front seat, dried patches of blood about. One of my eyes is caked shut. I try to remember how this happened.

Slowly, coming back. All of it coming back. The Filipina, the bloody bouncer, the broken cue stick, the free money. Frozen time.

I ponder this. Frozen time? Reaching under the seat, I pull out my clothes: sneakers, underpants, shirt, and pants. I’m still wearing Tom’s cap, which is glued to my head, and my socks are still on.

Continue reading A small bit of Chapter 3

TEOTWAWKI - TTFF Accepted By Publisher, All Free Versions Yanked From Malum.org!

New, Official Tall Tales of Felony and Failure Cover!

It’s true, rookies! Following some (I’d imagine) significant editorial manipulation, Tall Tales of Felony and Failure will be published by Wild Child Publishing! We’ve already finished and formalized the new cover (quite a stretch from the original, I’d say!), but much needed editing will push the publish [...]

Malum.org And Spreadshirt Inc. Partnering Clears Way To Filthy Lucre For Both.

Malum.org is proud to announce its recent partnering with Spreadshirt Inc. This pairing was instrumental in ensuring the timely opening of the most aggressive Malum.org Online Retail Division project to date, the Submarine Pirate Shop. [...]

Praise for Tall Tales of Felony and Failure!

Actually, just a comment by my new main man swedgin. But a positive comment, and such things tend to snowball toward Decisive Victory!

An Outstanding Review!

The best book Mr. Swedgin has read this year! (I realize it’s only February, but I’ll assume he/she meant the last twelve months.) I’m sure this implies greatness, and I’ll try [...]

Tall Tales of Felony and Failure Facebook Page Created

The ‘Tall Tales of Felony and Failure’ Page has gone Live at Facebook! To the pleasure of all, I’m sure.

Feel free to join and invite your friend(s) – Nothing gained, but [...]

This horrible tale now available for your eBooks!

22 April 2010 Update: Sorry, lads and ladies, but the free versions have been removed from this site. Tall Tales of Felony and Failure has found a publisher!

It’s true, it’s true. Tall Tales of Felony and Failure is now available in multiple eBook formats for your FREE DOWNLOADING PLEASURE!!!

By multiple, I mean two. For Amazon Kindle [...]

New Love, Lost

from jkama03@centrum.cz
to unlisted-recipients
date Sat, Apr 4, 2009 at 3:26 PM
subject I NEED YOUR HELP…
mailed-by centrum.cz

Hello,

Good Day and may God bless you with your family? I Know that my letter will come to you as a supprise as you know that we have not seen or meet each other before but My sources of your contact gave me the courage and confidence to rely and write to you you. My name is Joy Kamara, I am 22 years old now and I am the only Daughter of late chief GEORGE KAMARA from Sierra Leone. I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance to transfer My Late Father’s cash of twenty one million eight hundred thousand dollars($21,800,000) now in the custody of a BANK here in Abidjan to your private account pending my arival to your country.

Please if you can assist me please write me back to my priavte email address to enable me to give you details.

Thanks and may GOF bless you.

Joy Kamara.

from Domain Admin
to jkama03@centrum.cz
date Mon, Apr 6, 2009 at 8:47 PM
subject Re: I NEED YOUR HELP…
mailed-by malum.org

Joy Kamara,

Splendid hearing from you again. Your late father’s passing fills me with sorrow, so it is with heavy heart that I agree to help you procure $28 million of the old lad’s filthy lucre. Please reply promptly with detailed instructions detailing how I may most promptly help you realize such assets. Depositing this money in my account does seem to be the most straightforward path to victory, in your case.

Promptness and detail are key here, Joy. Don’t be the stupid trollop GEORGE KAMARA always suspected you were!

Kindest regards and gof bless you, too,

WH

Continue reading New Love, Lost

A Small Taste of Failure

Cranston and Tom trudge off toward the crash site, a line of torn earth and trees three football fields long. What remains of the fuselage is crumpled, still smoldering and partially buried at its front end. They walk the length of the wreckage’s path, occasionally picking through the debris. They stay [...]

TALL TALES OF FELONY AND FAILURE, a small story of some little trouble

Welcome all to malum.org! This is Warren Haustrumerda’s official home to the gentle story TALL TALES OF FELONY AND FAILURE, a cautionary tale of lost love and unrepentant generosity, ending (as always) in piracy and death. It’s available FREE for your perusal as an Adobe Acrobat download and in eBook formats (for those of [...]

Tall Tales of Felony and Failure

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